Chapter 22: The Polycule Experiment
I. Building the Circle
There was a season when Kellyanna tried for what the Railroad rarely saw last: a true polycule, woven across clan colors. She dated three men at once— • a Blue, open-hearted, whose empathy could ease any ache, • a Green, charming and social, always weaving new networks, • a Gray, precise, steady, a natural problem-solver.
They spoke openly of priorities. All three swore—sometimes in public, sometimes just to her—that they’d love to put Kellyanna first, that she was special, different, worth the effort and risk. The underground buzzed with gossip; council friends made quiet bets on how long it could last.
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II. The Reality of Bonds
But even the best-laid rituals and most hopeful promises couldn’t erase the truths of their lives.
Whenever conflict arose—who would travel, who got time on council nights, whose needs were tended first—Kellyanna watched a pattern repeat itself. Each man, faced with real-world pressure, always deferred to someone else: • The Blue prioritized his longtime mate, missing field nights and birthday rituals with Kellyanna to care for his original bond. • The Green dropped out of planned gatherings to handle drama with another partner, apologizing but never changing. • The Gray, when pushed, always defaulted to his nesting partner—explaining that their anchor bond had to come before “any experiment, even one as luminous as this.”
They told Kellyanna she was first in their hearts, but in the living, breathing, decision-making world, she never was. She found herself waiting, adjusting, rationalizing—never quite resenting them, but feeling the weight of being “the one they’d choose if only things were different.”
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III. Lessons in the Field
The polycule limped along, straining under the gap between stated intention and lived reality. Kellyanna learned to recognize the ache: the promises made in moonlit calls, the gentle “I’d give you everything if I could,” followed by another night alone while bonds and obligations called her lovers elsewhere.
She stopped blaming herself for not being “enough” to come first. She saw, instead, the truth: In their world, old ties almost always won. People could love deeply, desire fiercely, but hierarchy—whether emotional, logistical, or social—set its own rules.
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IV. Closing the Circle
In time, she called them together. “I don’t need to be first,” she told them. “But I can’t build a life around words that aren’t matched by action. I’d rather be someone’s real friend than someone’s secret hope.”
The men listened, each in their own way relieved. The Blue leaned on Kellyanna for comfort, then left to patch things with his mate. The Green drifted into his network, sending her music codes now and then, but less often. The Gray, grateful for the honesty, finally tended to his own household—and found peace in the steadiness.
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V. Aftermath
Kellyanna’s circle changed shape. She kept the friendship, lost the ache. The lesson echoed through the Railroad: It’s easy to say you’d put someone first. But the real test is always in what happens when priorities clash.
She wrote about it quietly, in field notes only her inner circle read: “There’s no shame in coming second. The only tragedy is pretending otherwise.”
To be continued…
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